A friend first, and permanently
Because Venus sits in Aquarius in your 7th house, the person you want is somebody you would have chosen as a friend regardless. Passion that is not built on genuine liking burns out fast for you, and a relationship where the friendship has gone is finished whatever else remains.
What you offer is unusually steady: honesty, loyalty, and complete acceptance of the other person as they actually are. What you find hard is the part where somebody needs you emotionally, at close range, on a Tuesday, for no reason you can address.
An arrangement designed rather than inherited
The shape of your relationships is decided rather than assumed: how much time together, what the commitments are, what the two of you actually want this to be. That takes work and it produces something that genuinely fits. Have the conversation explicitly and early, since running on a default script you never agreed to is where your resentment starts.
Room inside the commitment, not outside it
You need space and you are not asking to be less committed. Those are separate things and partners regularly conflate them. Say both together and often: that you need the room, and that the room has nothing to do with your feelings, since the second half is the part that has never been believed on its own.
Being needed is harder than being loved
Somebody depending on you emotionally produces an urge to step back that has surprised you and hurt them. It is not a lack of care. It is that need looks to you like a demand you might not be able to meet. Say what is happening in the moment, since silence at that point is read as exactly the rejection you were trying to avoid.
You leave rather cleanly
When you have concluded that something is over you can detach with a completeness that startles the other person, and the decision was usually made some time before it was announced. That clarity spares you both a long decline. Say it earlier, though, since the interval between deciding and speaking is one you have spent alone and they have spent uninformed.
State the terms rather than assuming them
Nearly every difficulty you have had came from two people operating on unstated and incompatible assumptions about what the relationship was. You are unusually good at negotiating anything that has been made explicit. Put the terms into words at the start, since your particular strengths only work on arrangements that have actually been described.
Design the arrangement instead of accepting one
Standard employment terms fit you badly and you work around them rather than objecting, which produces an unofficial version of the job that nobody has ever agreed to. Put your actual arrangement into words with whoever decides. Written down it is usually granted; left informal it disappears the moment somebody arrives with a policy and no history.
Separate accounts, and no apology for it
Financial independence inside a relationship matters to you more than it does to most people, and pooling everything feels like a loss rather than a commitment. That preference is legitimate and it needs explaining. Say what it protects, since a partner who reads it as doubt about them is drawing a reasonable and entirely wrong conclusion.
Learning to be relied upon without flinching
Being needed triggers a retreat in you that has cost real relationships, and the retreat is not a decision so much as a reflex. Stay put through one occasion of somebody genuinely needing you. The discomfort passes in about an hour and the evidence it produces changes what you believe you are capable of.
You did not want the standard version
Whatever the conventional expectation was for a partnership in your family, you have not followed it, and your explanations have probably been met with polite incomprehension. Say what you chose rather than defending it. Most relatives are considerably more accepting of a decision described plainly than of one they have had to infer.