Count the relationships you talked apart
Count the number of times you have analysed a relationship until there was nothing left of it. Pluto in Gemini in the 7th house puts the taking-apart instrument into one-to-one bonds, so the person opposite you is permanently under a scrutiny neither of you asked for.
Two different scales are stacked here. The Gemini half belongs to a birth cohort spanning many years, since Pluto marks the whole span with the same restlessness. The 7th house half was set by the hour you were born. It aims the analysis at whoever is closest, which is why you know more about the mechanics of your relationships than about how they actually feel.
What came before the analysing
Early on you had to work out what an adult actually meant underneath what they said, and getting it right mattered. The skill was complete before you had any use for it in your own relationships. Now it runs on partners who are being perfectly straightforward, looking for a second layer that is frequently not there.
The pause you spent four hours on
On what was not said. A pause, a phrasing, a slight change in how they answered a question: these occupy you for hours, and by the evening you have constructed a position they do not hold and never held. The exit is asking the plain question in daylight and accepting the plain answer. It will feel insufficient, precisely because it is so much simpler than the account you built, and it will still be the true one.
How the questioning reads to them
They experience it as being interviewed, and after a while they begin editing themselves before they speak, which produces exactly the guardedness you were detecting in the first place. The loop is entirely yours to break and they cannot do anything about it from their side. Ask one question and then stop. Let a silence sit there unfilled, since the filling is what turns a conversation into an examination.
Staying inside one conversation
The rare and useful act available to you is remaining in a single exchange without escalating it into a general theory of the relationship. Say the specific thing about the specific evening. That is a discipline rather than a preference, and it is the difference between a difficult conversation and a fortnight of them.
They cannot keep up, or they cannot be still
You need somebody who can meet you in conversation and also stop talking, and you have generally had one or the other. The second is the rarer and the one you undervalue. Notice how you feel with somebody comfortable in silence, since your instinct reads it as a failure of the connection when it may be the point.
Two people who do not know each other
You tend to keep separate close friendships that never overlap, each with a different version of you in it, and you prefer it that way. It is manageable and it means nobody sees the whole. Introduce two of them this year, and sit through the discomfort of being one person in front of both.
You know yourself through other people
Your sense of who you are is assembled largely from how you are with somebody else, which is why solitude is disorienting rather than restful. That is a real dependency and it is not a defect. Spend a week noting what you think when nobody has asked, since the material exists and has simply never been collected.
The terms were agreed out loud and never written
With a partner or an associate the financial arrangement has been settled in conversation, several times, and never recorded anywhere, and each of you now remembers a slightly different version of it. Neither of you is being dishonest; conversation simply does not hold detail across years. Put it on paper this month in the plainest possible language. Talking is your strong suit and it is the weakest available medium for this particular job.
The relative you can actually talk to
There is one person in your family with whom the conversation works, and that relationship has carried far more weight than either of you has acknowledged. It has probably also been taken for granted for years. Say plainly what it has been worth, since the exchange has been the entire basis of it and this part has never been said.