You joined, and then you saw the machinery
You walked into a group, felt the belonging, and within a month could see exactly how it actually operated and who it was serving. Pluto in Aquarius in the 11th house puts the sign in the house it governs, so community and the refusal to conform arrive as one subject.
Two different scales are stacked here. The Aquarius half belongs to a birth cohort spanning many years, since Pluto marks the whole span alike. The 11th house half was fixed by the hour you were born. One tradition also reads Pluto as in its fall in Aquarius, on the grounds that it is exalted in the opposite sign, while others assign it no such position; this site notes the fall, which is why the difficulty here is belonging rather than seeing.
Somebody here paid for not fitting
There was somebody in your background who did not fit a community and paid for it, or who fitted at a cost that was remarked on. What reached you was an instruction to stay unassimilated rather than a story. It was operating before you joined anything, which is why every group has been entered with one foot already outside.
You go analytical at the point of belonging
At the point where you actually start to belong, you become analytical about the group instead of present in it, and the analysis is excellent and it is a withdrawal. Nobody can tell the difference from outside. Notice it starting, and stay in the room for one more month than feels comfortable, since the leaving is the pattern rather than the conclusion.
Welcomed as far as the lobby
They find somebody warm, genuinely interested and never quite committed, and most of them take years to notice the third part. Those who do notice tend to feel they were welcomed into a lobby. Decide who gets past it, since it will not happen accidentally and the people worth it have generally stopped asking.
Belonging on your own terms
You can be a full member of something and remain the person who says the unwelcome thing, and those are not actually in conflict. The version you have been operating is that membership requires agreement, which is why you keep leaving. Test the other version once, in a group that matters, and stay through the disagreement.
Everybody assumes you are closer to somebody else
Each of your groups believes your real allegiance lies with a different one, so nobody quite treats you as theirs and you have never corrected any of them. It has kept your options open for decades. Tell one circle plainly that they are the one, and find out what changes when a group stops thinking it is your second choice.
The group runs differently after you
Wherever you have been part of a professional collective, the way it operates afterwards bears your mark and your name is nowhere on it, because the changes lived in how you did things rather than in any document. Write one of them into the actual structure this year, since an undocumented improvement leaves the building when you do.
A future organised on different principles
What you hope for is not a personal outcome, it is a different arrangement of how people deal with one another, and stating it out loud has always felt slightly grandiose. It is a coherent ambition and it needs something concrete attached. Choose one thing you could actually build in five years, since a principle without a project stays a mood.
Your circle knew them before you did
The people you have been with came out of a group you were both already in, which meant the relationship had witnesses from the first week and an audience for every difficulty afterwards. That has kept you honest and it has also made privacy impossible. Decide with the next one what stays between you, out loud, since the circle will otherwise assume it has access.
The ones you chose have the standing
What you assembled out of chosen people has carried more of your life than what you were given, and you have never said that plainly to either group. It is not a rejection of your relatives so much as a construction of your own. Give the chosen version its proper standing, obligations included, since a family without duties does not hold under pressure.