A practice you keep doing once it stops being interesting
Try one practice you keep doing when nothing about it is interesting any more. With the North Node in Sagittarius in the 12th house, the private hours ask for commitment rather than variety: one thing returned to, alone, for years. You need a practice you have not abandoned.
Your inner life has been busy and various, which is a way of never being still in one place long enough for anything to happen there.
Sticking with it feels pointless once it is dull
Any solitary practice becomes boring at about week six, and the boredom reads as evidence that it is not working. It is evidence that the thing has properly started. The results in this arena appear entirely on the far side of tedium, which is why a decade of interesting beginnings has produced nothing at all.
Filling the quiet with something new
The retreat is variety: the meditation becomes a different method, the walk becomes a podcast, the quiet hour acquires a subject. Each substitution is more interesting than what it replaced and each one resets the clock. Keep one practice unchanged for six months and let it be as dull as it wants to be.
Do the same thing at the same time
Start with a single practice, a fixed hour and no variation: the same walk, the same sitting, the same page. Twenty minutes, six days a week, unchanged for three whole months. The requirement is the sameness rather than the content of it, and sameness is the part you have never once supplied.
One guide rather than many sources
Your solitary practice has been assembled from many teachers and belongs to no tradition, which makes it flexible and unaccountable. Find one person or one lineage and follow it properly for a few years, including the parts that do not appeal to you at all. Being answerable to something outside yourself is what has been missing here.
Rest has to be the same rest
Your recovery is as various as everything else: a different approach each time, none of it repeated, none of it becoming a habit the body can rely on. Choose one form of rest and take it at the same hour every week for a whole season. Predictability is what allows a nervous system to stand down properly rather than partially.
The long private project
There is a category of work that only happens in unwitnessed hours across many years: the book, the practice, the understanding that slowly assembles. It requires patience with invisibility, which your appetite for the interesting has never allowed. Choose one such project and give it a decade of unwitnessed hours. Nothing else available in this arena compounds the way that does.
Solitude that the relationship can rely on
The time you take alone is currently unpredictable — sometimes a lot, sometimes none, never announced — which makes it feel to a partner as though something is wrong. Make it regular and stated: the same hours, every week, permanently. Reliable solitude stops being a threat and becomes a fixture you both plan around.
Carry one thing forward properly
Family memory and family practice both depend on somebody repeating things, and your household has plenty of interest and very little repetition. Take one inherited practice — a recipe, a visit, an observance — and keep it annually without deciding each year whether it is worth it. That decision is what kills traditions.
Protect the same hour, permanently
The unstructured thinking your work depends on gets whatever is left, and what is left changes weekly. Fix it: the same block, every week, for a year, spent on the same long question. Consistency in the invisible hours is what eventually produces the thing you keep meaning to make; nothing else has ever worked here.