Running it within a month, or gone
The same thing keeps happening in groups: you arrive, you contribute something excellent, and within a month you are running it or gone. With the North Node in Libra in the 11th house, the growth is ordinary membership. You need one group where you are neither leading nor leaving.
Being an equal among equals has been the one position you have never occupied for long. It is also the only one from which a group can actually hold you.
Join something and take no role
Start by joining a group where somebody else is clearly in charge, and decline every role for the first year. Attend, contribute what is asked for, and defer on everything else. The exercise is remaining an ordinary member past the point where you can see exactly how it could be run better, which will be at about the third meeting.
Being one of many feels like waste
Sitting in a group where your capability is not being used produces a specific restlessness, and the honest version of it is that you would rather be in charge. Sit through it. Membership is a different skill from leadership and you have almost no practice at it, which is precisely why it is here.
A circle where you are held rather than needed
What accumulates is a group that supports you rather than depending on you — which only forms if you never become the person it depends on. It takes years and it produces something you have not had: somewhere to go when things are difficult, populated by people who owe you nothing in particular.
Taking it over because it was going badly
The retreat is competence: the group is inefficient, nobody is deciding, and you step in and fix it. Everybody is relieved and you are back in the only role you know. Let one badly run thing be badly run. The group survives, and you find out what it feels like to be inside one.
Follow somebody else's plan for once
Your social gatherings happen because you arranged them, which means every friendship you have runs through your own initiative. Wait to be invited and then go where you are taken, three times this season, without improving any of the arrangements. Being included by somebody else is a completely different experience from being the person who includes everybody.
A future somebody is also in
Your picture of what is ahead is individual: what you will have built, where you will be, what you will have done. Add the other half — who is there, what you are part of, which of it requires people. Then check whether anybody has been consulted about the plan they are apparently in.
Join somebody else's project
Professionally you found things, run things and build things, and have almost never been a contributor to somebody else's structure. Take one such role for a year. What you learn about how organisations actually work from the middle is unavailable from the front, and it is what the next thing you found will need.
Let your friends have an opinion
You keep romance separate from the people who know you best, which means nobody who cares about you has met the person early enough to say anything useful. Introduce the next one within a month and then ask two friends what they made of it. Their reading is often better than yours and it arrives free.
Be somebody's second call, not their first
You are the person people ring in a crisis, which is a role and not a relationship. Practise the other position: be somebody's ordinary company rather than their emergency service, and let another friend be the one who fixes things. Equals are made by unremarkable time rather than by rescue, so aim for the dull hours.