What are you actually responsible for in the group
What are you actually responsible for in any group you belong to? With the North Node in Capricorn in the 11th house, membership is supposed to carry duties: a role held, a task delivered, something the group can count on you for. You need one collective responsibility with your name on it.
You are warm in company and structurally uninvolved: present, liked, and holding nothing. Belonging without duty is attendance, and attendance is what you have been doing.
Taking a role feels like being trapped
Accepting a formal position in a group means being obliged when you do not feel like it, and that obligation is exactly what you have been avoiding. It is also what makes membership mean something. Take one defined role for a fixed term and hold it through the months when you would rather not attend.
Take a named position for a year
Start with something small, formal and time-bounded: the treasurer, the coordinator, the person who runs one part of it. A fixed term makes it possible to say yes. Then do the job properly for the whole term, including the tedious middle, and hand it over cleanly at the end rather than letting it lapse.
A group that depends on you
Being depended upon by a community is a specific position you have never occupied, and it changes both what you get from a group and what you are willing to give it. Volunteer for the one thing that would visibly fail without you doing it. Obligation of that kind is what turns a pleasant circle into somewhere you actually belong.
Something that runs because you held it
What accumulates is institutional: a group, a tradition, a structure that exists because somebody kept turning up and doing the unglamorous part. That is a rare contribution and it is remembered by name for decades. Nothing about it is exciting at the time, which is why so few people ever do it.
Show up on the days you do not feel like it
Your attendance is affectionate and mood-dependent, so the groups you belong to have learned not to build anything around you. Attend the next six meetings regardless of how the day has gone. Consistency is what converts you from a welcome visitor into somebody with standing, and there is no other route to it.
Build something that will outlast you
The long project available here is institutional rather than personal: a group, a fund, a practice that continues after you have stopped running it. It requires structure, a plan for succession, and years of fairly dull maintenance. Start one such thing this decade with the explicit intention that somebody else eventually takes it over from you.
Let the relationship have a public shape
Your romantic life is conducted privately, and the people around you know almost nothing about it, which keeps it protected and slightly unreal. Give it a public form: introduce them properly, attend things together, be a couple in front of the group. Recognition by other people does something for a relationship that privacy cannot supply.
Be the reliable one in a chosen family
Among the friends who function as family, you provide warmth and somebody else provides the organising. Take the second role for a year: the one who remembers, arranges, follows up and is definitely there on the day. It is less enjoyable and it is what makes a chosen family durable rather than merely affectionate.
Commitments to other people get kept
Anything you plan alone gets displaced and anything somebody is expecting you at does not, which is a useful fact about you. Attach every physical routine to another person: the training partner, the class that takes a register, the walk somebody is waiting on. Social obligation is by some distance the most effective mechanism available to you.