What if you know it and cannot argue for it
What do you do with a conviction you cannot defend in an argument and cannot let go of either? You have been carrying at least one for years. Pluto in Pisces in the 9th house dissolves the boundary between believing and sensing.
Everybody born across your stretch of years carries Pluto in Pisces, so that half is common property and describes an era rather than a person. The 9th house came from your birth time and is the individual half. It aims the porousness at belief and the search for meaning, which is why the things you are most certain about are the ones you are least able to explain.
The test is checking what you sense
Your impressions are frequently accurate and occasionally entirely wrong, and from inside the two feel identical. That is the actual problem rather than the sensing itself. Write the impression down before you act on it, with a date, and go back later. Building a record is the only way to find out which of your intuitions are worth trusting.
How the certainty is misread
You state something with quiet confidence and cannot produce the reasoning, and people conclude you are being vague or evasive. What is happening is that the conclusion arrived without a visible route. Say that plainly rather than manufacturing an argument afterwards, since the constructed version is weaker than the honest admission and everybody can tell.
Where the pull comes from
Towards whatever dissolves the ordinary categories: long journeys with no purpose, practices that quieten the self, art or faith that does not explain itself. That pull is genuine and it is also where you go when something is difficult. Notice which is operating, since one of them is a direction and the other is an exit.
Something built on what you actually sense
You will not get certainty and you can get a practice: a form, a discipline, a tradition with a structure that holds what you already know without requiring you to argue for it. That is what turns this from drift into a life. Choose one and stay with it past the point where it becomes ordinary.
You have known things without evidence
There have been several occasions where you knew something before there was any reason to, and were right, and could not have explained how. You have mostly kept quiet about them. That accumulated evidence is worth taking seriously rather than dismissing. Keep a written record from now on, since memory will edit it in both directions and the record will not.
Work with something unmeasurable in it
Teaching, care, art, ministry, anything where the value is real and cannot be counted: this is where your capacity is actually deployed rather than merely tolerated. Purely quantitative work leaves you competent and absent. Point one part of your working life at the unmeasurable, since it will not be satisfied by the rest of it however well paid.
You did not fight them about it, you drifted
You never argued with what your family believed, you simply stopped being where they were, and by the time anybody noticed there was no conversation to have. The drift avoided a confrontation and it also left everything unsaid. Say one true thing about what you actually think, since a stated difference is easier to be close across than an unexplained absence.
You look for somebody who sees it too
What you want is a partner who recognises the thing you cannot articulate, and you have occasionally decided somebody did on very little evidence. The recognition is real when it happens and easy to imagine when it does not. Ask them to say it in their own words early, since your version will otherwise be doing all the work.
Travel dissolves you rather than restoring you
Long journeys and unfamiliar places affect you more deeply than they affect other people, in both directions: the openings are real and so is the disorientation that follows for weeks. Build a return routine as carefully as you build the trip, since coming back is the part that has repeatedly cost you and it has never once been planned for.