You need the domestic machinery to be running
A Virgo Moon in the 4th house cannot rest in a house that is not working. The unwashed things, the unanswered letter, the small repair outstanding: these register as a low hum that prevents settling, and putting them right is not housekeeping here but self-regulation.
So the state of your home is a fair reading of your state, in both directions. A house allowed to fall apart usually means something has, and a house scrubbed at midnight usually means something is being managed that has not yet been named.
Your household runs measurably better
Things get fixed before they break, supplies do not run out, and the people you live with have a smoother life than they would otherwise and mostly do not know it. This is love delivered as competence, which is a real dialect and an easily overlooked one. Say what it is occasionally, since the acts alone are not translating.
The evening tidy is doing something else
When you find yourself reorganising a cupboard at ten at night, the cupboard is not the point. Anxiety converts here into domestic activity with unusual efficiency, which keeps the house immaculate and leaves the original feeling entirely unexamined. The result is a household in excellent order run by somebody who could not say what is wrong. Ask what happened today before you start, and answer that question without fixing anything at all.
The standard makes the house harder to live in
Your requirements are aimed at yourself and everybody else absorbs them anyway, so the people you live with become careful, and careful is not the same as comfortable. Children in particular learn to tidy before they learn to relax. Name one area of the house that is formally exempt from the standard, tell everyone it is exempt, and mean it completely.
Let one room be wrong on purpose
Choose somewhere and leave it unresolved: the shelf out of order, the job undone, the thing not put away. It will itch for about a fortnight and then stop, and what you learn is that the discomfort was never proportionate to the disorder. That discovery does more for domestic life here than any amount of getting through the list.
The one who keeps everyone functioning
Prescriptions, appointments, forms, the practical needs of the household anticipated weeks out: you took this on early and nobody has revisited the arrangement since. It is genuine care and it is exhausting when it is also invisible. State what it involves, in specifics, and hand one item over to somebody who will do it worse.
Sharing a home means sharing standards
How a household actually runs matters to you more than almost anything else about a relationship, and almost nobody raises it before the keys are cut. How clean, how organised, who does which task: these settle whether living together restores you or costs you daily. Work through it in detail before moving in. It sounds like a small administrative matter and for you it never becomes one.
The house is where your routine lives or fails
Meals at hours, sleep at a time, the walk that bookends the day: your wellbeing responds dramatically to small domestic regularities and collapses without them. Design the routine kindly rather than strictly, with slack built in, since a schedule you cannot keep converts immediately into evidence against you rather than into a better week.
Rest is not a rounding error
There is a version of this where the household functions perfectly and nobody, yourself included, is comfortable in it, because every hour indoors owes an account of what it produced. Put unproductive time in the calendar as a fixture rather than as a reward: an unset alarm, an afternoon with nothing to show for it. The house was built to be lived in rather than maintained.
The domestic accounts are in better shape than you think
You run the household's money carefully, notice every small leak and worry about sums that are not worth the worry. The position is almost certainly sound. Ask somebody competent to confirm it once, out loud, since your own review will never conclude and the reassurance has to come from outside the system doing the checking.