You choose people by how they operate
Jupiter sits in Virgo in your 7th house, so the attachments that enlarge you are assessed on conduct: how they work, whether they finish things, what they are like about money and time. Charm on its own has never persuaded you. What this needs is somebody whose ordinary habits you can respect.
That filter is a considerable advantage and it operates slowly. You have taken longer than most people to commit and you have been wrong less often, which is the trade this position makes and it is a reasonable one.
Service offered inside the relationship
Your affection arrives as practical support: their diary managed, their difficulty solved, the thing you took care of so their week would be easier. It is substantial and it is not always experienced as romance. Say something affectionate that involves no assistance whatsoever, because the two are entirely different currencies and only one of them is being spent.
Correction that arrives as love
You improve the people you are attached to: the suggestion, the better method, the observation that would help if acted on. From inside it is care and from outside it is a slow accumulation of not being quite right. Ask before offering, every time, since here the invitation is what makes the difference between help and criticism.
When the partnership becomes a job
Given time you take on the running of the relationship: the arrangements, the maintenance, the emotional administration nobody named. It is efficient and it turns you into staff. Stop doing one of those things and let the gap be noticed, because in this position the only way the load gets shared is by not being carried.
You would rather be useful than adored
Praise makes you uncomfortable and being needed does not, so you have steered towards partners who require rather than admire. That is a real preference and it has narrowed the field considerably. Compliments get deflected into a remark about the work instead. Let somebody appreciate you without doing anything for them in return, and sit with how uncomfortable that is.
You are the one who noticed the direct debit
Your financial contribution to a partnership is largely vigilance: the subscription cancelled, the rate renegotiated, the error caught on a statement nobody else opened. Across a decade that is worth a substantial sum and it is entirely invisible while it is working. Put a figure on what the watching actually saved this year, because nobody else in the household has any idea it is a service being provided.
The doubt is about whether it is good enough
Your particular difficulty in a relationship is not jealousy but assessment: whether this is right, whether it could be better, whether the small irritation means something. Nothing about that gets resolved by more thinking. Decide once a year rather than continuously, and let the intervening months be spent in the relationship instead of on it.
You keep the pair organised, socially
The invitations, the arrangements and the remembering of other people's circumstances all belong to you, and your partner has quietly stopped tracking any of it. That is a familiar division and it is heavier than it looks. Their friends now hear from you more often than from them. Hand over one standing arrangement completely, including the parts that will be done differently.
You work best with one competent counterpart
A single reliable colleague does more for your output than any team, because you can hand things over without checking and be handed things worth having. Finding that person matters more than finding the right employer. Two of your best professional years were spent beside the same person. Look for them explicitly, and be prepared to follow them between organisations.
You audited the household you married into
Joining another family, you saw immediately how it actually functioned: who was carrying what, which arrangement was unsustainable, what nobody was saying. You have mostly kept quiet. It took about three visits and you have carried the assessment ever since. Offer one specific piece of help rather than the analysis, since the observation is accurate and unwelcome, and the help is neither.