It arrives without a route and leaves the same way
Jupiter expands your 2nd house from Pisces, so resources appear and disappear without an obvious mechanism: the work that turned up, the amount that covered it, the money that went somewhere. Rigid budgeting has never held. What this needs is one account you do not touch.
The pattern is genuine and it has held for a long time. Something has always arrived, generally later than was comfortable, and after enough repetitions that has stopped being hope and become a working assumption you have never examined.
Holding on to anything is difficult
Money passes through you: to people who needed it, towards things that seemed important, occasionally to nothing you can reconstruct. Meanness is genuinely painful to you. A windfall has never once survived a full quarter. Automate the saving so no decision is involved, since a decision made in the moment will always be generous and the arithmetic happens afterwards.
Worth that has nothing to do with figures
Your sense of your own value is entirely detached from what you earn, which frees you from a great deal of ordinary anxiety and removes the signal that would tell you when you are being taken advantage of. Both effects are large. Find out the going rate once a year, since your indifference is real and other people are not indifferent at all.
The accounts nobody has looked at
There are arrangements you have not examined in years: the subscription, the policy, the amount going out for something that ended. Looking at it feels worse than it is. Some of them predate arrangements that ended years ago. Spend one afternoon on it with somebody else present, since the avoidance is the entire problem and company makes the task ordinary.
What you own is what somebody gave you
A surprising proportion of your possessions arrived as gifts, hand-downs or things somebody was getting rid of, and you are attached to them accordingly. It is a genuinely different relationship with owning. Keep it, and buy one thing outright and deliberately, since choosing something for yourself is an exercise you have almost never done.
Scarcity arrives as dread, not arithmetic
A thin month reaches you as a general sense of things going wrong rather than as a figure that needs attention, and the feeling is considerably worse than the actual position. Nothing about that is proportionate. Look at the real numbers as soon as it starts, since only the arithmetic settles this and the dread will otherwise keep escalating on its own.
Somebody else should hold the discipline
Left to your own devices the plan is generous, vague and abandoned by March, and there is no amount of resolve that has ever changed this. That is not a moral failing. Hand the structure to an arrangement or a person outside yourself, since what fails here is the enforcing rather than the intention.
You are undercharging by a considerable margin
Whatever you ask for, it is less than the work is worth, because the figure is set by what feels comfortable to say rather than by anything the market indicates. The gap compounds every year. Raise the rate by a fixed percentage on a fixed date, since a rule removes the conversation and the conversation is where you lose.
You have been carried more than once
At several points somebody stepped in: the loan, the spare room, the work that appeared exactly when it had to. You are aware of all of it and have never quite known how any of it could be repaid. Pass it on instead of paying it back, since debts of this kind do not close and passing them on is what they were always for.
You give them more than you can spare
Money goes to relatives at a level nobody has counted, including you, and the giving happens before any assessment of whether it is affordable. Nothing about that is going to change on its own. Set the annual figure while nothing is happening, since the request always arrives at a moment when refusing is impossible.